Tom Ebeyer

In just a few weeks, I’ll be saying “I do” to the love of my life. But I can’t picture it and am reflecting on what that means for my experience of these once-in-a-lifetime events.

As an aphant about to tie the knot, I find myself in a unique position. While most soon-to-be-weds are lost in vivid daydreams of their perfect day, and detailed lists of exactly what it should look like, I’m standing before a blank canvas, paintbrush in hand, waiting for the moment to unfold.

It’s got me thinking – what does it mean to approach one of life’s biggest moments without the ability to pre-visualize it?

For many, the lead-up to a wedding is filled with mental dress rehearsals. They “see” themselves walking down the aisle, imagine the tears in their partner’s eyes, and picture the first dance under twinkling lights. It’s a mental movie played on repeat, each viewing building anticipation and, let’s face it, probably a fair bit of anxiety too.

But for us aphants? We’re working with a different script altogether.

Instead of a pre-rendered mental image, we have a list. A concept. A feeling. Our wedding day exists as a series of ideas and emotions, waiting to be transformed into reality. There’s no comparing the actual event to an idealized mental image – because that image simply doesn’t exist.

Could this be a hidden superpower? While others might be disappointed if the reality doesn’t match their mental picture, we’re primed for pure discovery. Every detail – from the way the light hits the flowers to the sound of our partner’s voice during the vows – will be a fresh, unfiltered experience.

It’s like we’re living our wedding day in real-time 4K, while others might be watching a pre-recorded, possibly idealized version.

But I’m curious – how do you, my fellow aphants, approach big life events? Do you find yourselves more present in the moment? Less anxious about how things “should” look? Or have you developed unique strategies to prepare for and fully experience these milestones?

For the next few weeks, I’ll be embracing my aphantasic nature, experiencing my wedding day as it unfolds, one beautiful, unpredictable moment at a time. And isn’t that what living in the present is all about?

Here’s to blank canvases and the masterpieces we create on them!